


Mostly Red With a Mix of Pale, Black, and a Dash of Ash

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Bordering on incest, Bulges and Nooks, F/F, F/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Petplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:29:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm asking you to be my second red quadrant!"</p><p>Dave grimaced at the treatment of his poor leg, then the words sank in. "Wait, is that allowed?"</p><p>"It's allowed if I want it to be. I mean, this isn't Alternia. There's no drone season. I'm not filling up buckets or anything for the mother grub. I just like you both in a red kind of way and so why not? You humans have open relationships and stuff. So I can too!"</p><p>"Hmm, okay, that is fair. A fair point. I just, uh, I don't have to do anything with Rose, right?"</p><p>"Yes, of course you do. It is a requirement." Dave's collected and cool mask broke into abject panic, at least until Nepeta started laughing to herself. "No. No, you don't have to do anything with Rose, Dave! You're so ridiculous sometimes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mostly Red With a Mix of Pale, Black, and a Dash of Ash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mahwaha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahwaha/gifts).



It was hour three of the feelings jam and tensions were running high. It wasn't supposed to go this way. He was supposed to be happy and accepting and why in the world did she ever think he would actually be those things? But tensions were instead running high, and the pile of furs was getting a bit damp. The smell was less than pleasant.

"It's improper, Nepeta! It's lewd. And I forbid it." She could hear his cracked and splintered teeth clack together in punctuation. It was his final verdict, and his arms were crossed over his chest, practically challenging her.

"You furbid it? No! No, Equius! You do not furbid it, because it is not yours to fur--forbid! I'm not six anymore!" She seethed. If her tail was real, it would be lashing back and forth. Her real cat ears would be plastered against her head. As it was, a low growl was building in her throat.

"Nepeta. I am your moirail. I am trying to prot--"

She let out a frustrated sound, loud and sudden, enough to startle the muscly mountain of a troll. "You're not protecting me, Equius! This isn't some game, this isn't FLARPing with Vriska. This is love! This is my quadrants!"

"One quadrant, Nepeta! With two people. Humans, no less! It's wrong!"

"It's not wrong!" She stood up from the pile, jabbing a finger in his direction. "What do you know about quadrants, Equius? Do I really need to bring up Aradia? Now, listen. I didn't come to you for a discussion, Equius. I came to tell you what is going on in my life. You can't talk me out of it because it doesn't involve you. There's being a good moirail and the there's being a controlling asshole!"

"At least they're good humans." Equius scowled, but didn't argue, sticking with just shaking his head subtly. He held his tongue on her language. It was clearly not the time.

"Darn right they are." Nepeta sighed, sitting back down on the pile and giving her sweaty moirail a hug.

\---

Rose deadpanned. "Dave. You have red feelings. For Dave. My brother. Dave. Dave Strider?" Rose flopped backwards on her bed. Rose and Nepeta had been... dating? One would probably call it dating. They went on dates. They stayed in on dates. Nepeta had a collar with Rose's initials on it and would act like a sexy cat sometimes when they had sex.

"Yep!" Nepeta beamed up at Rose, waiting to see what her reaction would be.

"And you're telling me now? Right now?"

Nepeta paused, looking down at the crotch in front of her, her digits spreading Rose's lips. She was just going down on her a minute ago. Though, now... that was at an end.

"I know I said some talking during sex would be good, but this is not... what I meant. So, is this it? We're done?" Rose pulled away from Nepeta's fingers and moved up into a kneel.

Nepeta, well, her jaw practically dropped. "Done? What? No! No no no. No. That's ridiculous. Rose. Rose, you goofus. Humans date more than one person, right? Polyamory!" She was grinning now, eager to show off what she'd learned about human romance. Romance was her game, and she planned on knowing all about it, even on an interplanetary basis.

Rose tensed up. "Not... all humans, Nepeta. I'm not poly." The corners of her mouth pulled down into a frown. "Well. I don't think I am. I haven't gave much thought to it. But... Dave?"

"Oh. Not everyone is..." Nepeta sighed, flopping backward, the bed creaking under her. 

It was odd, seeing the two as a couple. Rose was essentially a skein of yarn. Thick and soft and giving. All curves and pudge and round in all the right places. Dark skin and bright purple eyes, sharp enough to cut, all framed by straight, white hair.

If Rose was a skein of yarn, Nepeta was a ball of rubber bands. She was short and small, but dense. Muscle on muscle, tensed and twitching and full of potential energy, waiting to bounce or pounce or snap. Hard abs and strong shoulders and a pair of thighs that could crush a person's head. Paired up with a cute face that looked young for her age, and a shaggy, bouncy mop of black hair. They were... an odd pair.

Rose sighed, leaning forward and running a hand through that shaggy head of slightly sweaty hair, looking everywhere but Nepeta's face. "I could try polyamory. I'm not opposed to it, by any stretch of the imagination. And, I mean, it isn't... too much different than filling multiple quadrants--"

"That's what I said! Rrrgh, Equius kept insisting that I couldn't..."

"Nepeta, focus. The thing is, it's Dave? My brother?"

"So?"

"So it's going to be weird thinking about parts of you having interacted with certain parts of him."

"What, why?"

Rose took a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. "The relatives thing. Remember how that is one of those weird human taboos?"

Nepeta's eyes lit up. "Oh! Right! Duh! But, wait. Wait, it's only if the two of you do anything!"

"It's close enough. But, we'll try it out." Rose tapped a finger on Nepeta's cheek. "You know, if Dave even goes for it."

\---

"Hell yes!" Dave Strider gave his answer.

"Fur real?" Nepeta perked up after nervously asking Dave if he wanted to go out. They'd been hanging out a lot recently. Basically whenever she wasn't hanging out with Rose or her moirail. She was heavily amused by Dave's penchant for rapping and he was enamored with her ability to bring down game and her generosity with the skeletons. Plus Dave liked piggyback rides. And Nepeta was pretty into lifting up the tall lanky matchstick of a man. Tall and lean, all lines and angles. He lacked meat, but had the build of a runner, or a swimmer. Dave was fast, but not strong. If Nepeta had a type when it came to dudes, she wasn't aware of it yet. Dave's types vacillated between curvy, as seen by Jane "Hot Mom" Crocker and Terezi "Thighrope" Pyrope, and Amazonian warrior princesses, as seen by Jade, and, well, Nepeta, clearly.

"Yes, definitely. I mean, I thought we were just residing in the friend zone, which, don't get me wrong, is a hell of a rad-ass zone and the rides are awesome, by which I mean piggyback rides. And I'm not saying that dating is superior and I was hoping friendship would lead to this or any of that shit but it is definitely a thing I have had on my mind at various periods, basically, and am way into. So, I stand by my hell yes, long story short. So did things just not work out wi--"

"See? And Rose said you would be weirded out by it!"

"By what? Catching a rebound? Whatevz, we're one for one now. Jade had barely left the backboard before Rose was jumping up and going for a touchdown."

"What? No, we... what? Dave, how do I know more about American Earth sports than you? Dave, please."

"Nepeta, I don't sport."

"Dave, you did swim team and track in high school!"

"Those aren't sports."

"They are totally sports, Dave!" Nepeta huffed. Was he questioning her on sports? Unacceptable.

"Uh, I did them. I'm pretty sure I would know. Is anime club a sport? People do that in high school, and never again if they have any damn sen--"

Nepeta tackled Dave in frustration and put him in a quick pin on the ground, just a basic lateral press, though hooking one of his legs with her arm and laying fully on his chest. "Are you done?"

"I'm done."

Nepeta didn't break the pin, stretching his leg a bit more. "You're not a rebound, doofus. I'm dating you both!"

"Oh, shit, did you guys switch? Are you black now?? Nepeta. That is dangerous territory, okay? Like, shit, just, do not--"

"You said you were done. We didn't switch."

"Oh, oh! Wait, you're asking me to pale? Shit, fuck, I mean. Pale with an A-L-E, not A-I-L. You know, wait! Equius? Oh shit, Nepeta, I'm sorry... I know that you two go way ba--"

"Dave!!!" Nepeta yanked hard on Dave's captured leg, enough to cause Dave to let out a small yelp of discomfort. "I'm asking you to be my second red quadrant!"

Dave grimaced at the treatment of his poor leg, then the words sank in. "Wait, is that allowed?"

"It's allowed if I want it to be. I mean, this isn't Alternia. There's no drone season. I'm not filling up buckets or anything for the mother grub. I just like you both in a red kind of way and so why not? You humans have open relationships and stuff. So I can too!"

"Hmm, okay, that is fair. A fair point. I just, uh, I don't have to do anything with Rose, right?"

"Yes, of course you do. It is a requirement." Dave's collected and cool mask broke into abject panic, at least until Nepeta started laughing to herself. "No. No, you don't have to do anything with Rose, Dave! You're so ridiculous sometimes."

"Okay, cool, good. Can you let go of my leg now?"

\---

"So, what brings about this sudden change?" Nepeta looked over her shoulder at Rose, who was kneeling behind her.

Rose was squeezing a dollop of lubricant onto a gloved fingertip, then moving to rub in a small, tight circle around Nepeta's hole, before slipping just slightly inside. "Oh, I don't know." She slid her finger out and removed the glove, grabbing the blue tail plug from the bed and lubing up the tip with a generous application. She pressed it against Nepeta's waiting orifice and pushed it gently inside, just slightly, before withdrawing. Pushing in a bit deeper, pausing, withdrawing. Adding more lubrication as necessary. "It could be fun."

Nepeta closed her eyes and nodded. She was not a fan of the tail going in, but loved it once it was in there. At least Rose made it as good an experience for her as she could, as evidenced by the slender, dark fingers of her other hand suddenly probing at the top end of her nook, stroking and caressing until her bulge, olive-green and slick with genetic material, began to emerge. Rose hummed in delight behind her as she simultaneously let her fingers dance with the squirming, gripping bulge and continued the process of sliding that plug in. It was just now reaching its widest point, Nepeta's fingers gripping and tangling in the bed sheets.

"Relax." Rose whispered and wrapped her fingers around that squirming member, her thumb caressing the lip of her nook. Nepeta took a breath and gave another nod, letting her muscles go a bit looser, Rose taking the chance to give one final push, the toy slipping in, her partner giving a small hiss of air, mostly in discomfort but with enough pleasure mixed in as well.

Nepeta gave her ass a shake, enough to get the tail to sway a little, and Rose gave those hard glutes a firm but playful thwack.

"I don't know, Rose, after the emphasis you've put on family being weird, now you're talking about a threesome!"

Rose gave another thwack, though a little less playful. "It's not a threesome. It's two twosomes, kitty. It just so happens that you are one of the two in each of them."

"I'm purretty sure that still counts." Nepeta sighed as Rose's digits left her bulge. Rose moved more onto the bed, though, leaning back on the pillows. She was nude, save for a black knee-length skirt, which she was currently slowly hiking up as she spread her legs, eyes staring directly into Nepeta's. Her sigh turned into a grin and she got in a pouncing position, torso down low, ass raised upward, wiggling as her toes curled and dug into the purple afghan on the foot of the bed. And then she pounced, head going right up her matesprit's skirt, hands grabbing both of Rose's thighs and pushing a bit more apart. Rose grinned at her enthusiasm and moved a hand to pet her through the skirt's thin fabric, and was rewarded with a peppering of kisses around her sex, intermingled with small laps and licks, teasingly close to the hood of her clit.

Nepeta purred and trilled as she took in the strange alien scent that she had yet to grow tired of, starting to circle Rose's clit with her tongue, letting her fingernails graze and scrape along the human woman's sensitive thighs, eliciting a sharp intake of breath and a quiet and pleased sigh of "good kitty."

"Which brings me, nnn, back to my point. It's two twosomes." Rose let out a moan as Nepeta gave her inner thigh a small nip. "You've been such a good kitty, and you deserve to be pampered like one. Nepeta paused for a second, and the heat of her blush was lost in the heat radiating from Rose's sex, but she quickly got back to business, tongue poking in between Rose's lips, like she was exploring for the first time but in reality just teasing and grazing the spots she knew her... Nepeta never knew what word to use here... owner felt wrong and mistress sounded weird and nothing worked quite right, but she grazed the spots her Rose liked best.

Rose curled her toes, pulling her skirt up more until Nepeta's broad and tapered horns peeked out, instantly stroking along one with her fingers, her other hand cupping her own large breast, thumb circling her nipple in a slow motion. "If you don't want to, though, we won't. I just think it could be, oh, fuck..." Rose bit her purple-painted bottom lip and shivered. "Interesting."

Nepeta plunged her tongue in a bit deeper and let her nails drag down Rose's legs, leaving trios of thin, pale lines down the skin. "Mmmnf."

"Was that a yes noise or a no noise? Really, Nepeta. It's impolite to talk with your mouth full. Are you aiming for a spanking?"

Nepeta pulled back and looked up at Rose, letting her tongue poke out the corner of her mouth just a little. "Maybe I am. Are you aiming to give one? And it was an ambivalent noise that wasn't a no. I'm thinking about it. And trying to go down on you, if you forgot." A cheeky smile and then she dove back in, surprising Rose with the suddenness as that grayish-green tongue plunged back into her, working in and out at a pumping pace as waves of warm breath washed over her clit.

Rose's fingers slipped from Nepeta's horn and got lost in the tangles of dark hair, pushing her lover even further against her body, hips starting to rock, matching the rhythm of that welcome invader inside her.

Nepeta could tell Rose was getting close. Her thigh muscles were twitching. She was practically soaked, and so was her own mouth and chin, practically. She could hear Rose's breath hitching, feel the way her fingers dug into her hair. She pulled out, moving to lavish attention on Rose's clitoris, dragging her tongue upward in long, feline laps. Circling around it and pressing. Pinching it right between her lips. Rose's moan increased in intensity until she went quiet, mouth open still as if someone had hit her mute button, hips rolling and thrusting, pressing hard against Nepeta's face as she hit her peak... then her moan finally resuming, only to taper off. Her breath was ragged panting and her body gave twitches as aftershocks coursed through her, Nepeta continuing her lavishing of affection, but tapering off as well, letting her lover calm down.

She pulled away, crawling forward, hands on either side of Rose's midsection, giving a showy lick of her lips. "Mmm... it's a yes. Why not?"

Rose went to respond, but only an incoherent mumble worked its way out. She paused and breathed. "Mmhmm. Well, if Dave agrees."

\---

"Hell no! What?" Dave winced with the strain as Nepeta, straddled on his chest, held his arm to her body and leaned backward. "No fair, no psychological warfare during wrestling time, Leijon. Don't make me get the ref in here."

Nepeta rocked her hips, grinding down on the captive Strider's chest, grinning as she twisted his arm slightly, causing his hips to lift and try to buck her off.

Nepeta yanked down the front of her boxer shorts, her olive bulge already slick and slipping out from the top of her nook. She scooted forward on Dave's chest and grinned, a bit of genetic material precariously close to drooling on his chin. She pulled his arm a bit more, leaning back. "No psychological warfare here. You, me, and Rose. Just, you know, for fun!"

Dave scowled, getting his other arm beneath him and trying to push onto his side and topple Nepeta off of him. Nepeta lost balance and Dave rolled atop her, pinning her leg underneath his side. He managed to get his arm free and wrapped his other leg around her, scrambling to get her in a modified schoolboy pin, though it ended up closer to a schoolgirl. Though a sloppy one. "Sex with my girlfriend and sister isn't my idea of fun, Leijon. Like, half of it is fun. The first half? But once that second half is added? That is some Geneva Convention violating levels of not fun."

Nepeta's bulge was now leaking all over the carpet, and she worked to get out of the hold. She smacked at his leg roughly, growling softly. "It's not sex with your girlfriend and your sister, doofus! It's your girlfriend having sex with you and your sister. You two aren't touching. Unless you want to, I mean! I don't mi--"

"Nope! Nope nope nope no nope no no no way not a chance, no." Dave shook his head. "Not a snowflake's chance in the deepest layer of hell. Man, I don't want to be in the same room as her vagina."

"Dave, you're in the same room with it whenever--"

"Not when it's out. It stays in its home and that is fine. Just like Medium Dave stays in his."

"Medium Dave?"

"I'm not calling my dick Little Dave. For one, it's cliche, and for two, it's insulting."

"Dicks are weird, I mean... they're all pretty little! Compared to bulges anyway. I mean, they're neat and everything, and they feel cool."

"Nepeta. Nepeta, please." Dave let go of the pin and rolled away, sitting up on the floor and leaning back against the couch. "You realize you just asked, with your alien cock out, if I would be willing to have a semi-threeway with you and my sister, and then you give a backhanded insult to my inferior human wingwang... that's pretty fucked up."

Nepeta sighed and flopped onto her back, bulge kind of wriggling half-heartedly before she stuffed it back into her shorts. "You're so sensitive. Like a little grub. I'd fool around with you and Meulin!"

"I am not a grub, Nepeta, come on. That is--wait, what?"

"I mean, not like that would happen, but I would! It's not weird or anything."

"It's pretty weird."

Nepeta rolled her eyes. "You're pretty weird. Just don't... look. Why would you even be concerned that you might see something when you've got..." Nepeta flexed both arms... "All..." She kissed a bicep. "This to look at. Meow."

"Meow indeed. Okay, okay. I'm game. I'm tentative game. Like, alpha build of a game. Terrible collision detection. I might get stuck in the floor and my arms are going to detach and float away. But I'll give it a go. If shit gets weird though, I'm out of there like a race horse running for the Stanley Cup, right?"

Nepeta nodded and silently wished Dave would give up on sports metaphors and similes.

\---

It was the big day. It was happening. The venue? Rose's house. Mostly because Dave's bedroom was, in pure Strider tradition, a roiling mass of video games, power cords, juice bottles, and mason jars full of tiny animal skeletons. Sure, Rose's room was an explosion of yarn, books, notebooks, and quarter-finished knitting projects... but the difference was Rose was good at shoving things into closets, whereas Dave, which always amused Rose, couldn't navigate a closet if he tried and once actually threw towels over things when he had a girl over.

Rose had went the whole nine yards. Candles lit, mood music on, purple silk sheets on the bed. Nepeta arrived first, because of course she did, being a good kitty.

Rose was... well, excited, maybe. She didn't want to say nervous even though that is exactly what it was. Why was she doing this? This whole special guest in the bedroom thing. There was a detail that bothered her. The motive. Well, more so the fact that no one questioned her motive. Nepeta... why would she? She was an alien. She had a tenuous grasp on human romance culture as it was, and wasn't going to question Rose too much on why she was inviting Dave into their bed. And Dave, well. Dave was Dave. He was either trying to prove something to her, prove something to himself, had an unfathomable motive of his own, or was blinded by the chance at filling in a square on some internal sexual bingo card. Rose had no idea, and she was soon met with, once she finally snapped out of it, a face on her pet troll girlfriend that clearly read as 'why aren't you answering me?'

"What was that?"

"I said are you okay? You're kind of just staring off."

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm mentally taking inventory of scarfs and making sure I didn't leave any near any lit candles."

Nepeta's face scrunched up. "Candles? We're not doing the wax play again, are we?" Both their minds went back to the month before, where entirely too much time was spent digging out purple wax from the multitude of small grooves on Nepeta's candy corn horns.

"Not unless you want to drizzle some on Dave." Rose smirked. "But no, it's just for ambiance. I promise. Speaking of, where is my brother dearest?"

"Oh, I don't know." Nepeta rested her chin on the top of Rose's head and pulled her in for a hug. "I haven't talked to him since before my shower. I guess he's coming."

Dave was coming. Slowly. Well, at the moment, he was parked. A block away and on the side of the road, with his forehead pressed against the top of his steering wheel as he took a few breaths. He was... having doubts. The worst part was, he didn't even have anyone to talk them out with. His options came down to people involved, aliens who wouldn't understand the problem, and people related to him and Rose who don't need to know what was about to most likely go down. Bad phrasing, don't use the words go down. That is really unfortunate. No going down. Happen. There. Well, there was Jade, but last time Dave so much as mentioned Rose in a remotely sexual way, Jade had dropped a massive too-much-information bomb in the form of a discussion on what Rose's pussy tasted like depending on diet, and how she was picking what crops to rotate in with her garden to better utilize that knowledge. All he had asked was if his sister was secretly a cephalopod and if she ever inked. It was not a serious question.

The drive over, despite being a mere fifteen minutes, had given him plenty of time to think. More specifically, it gave his paranoia plenty of time to flare up. This was a scheme. It had to be. Why else would Rose choose this weekend? On their schedule, their handy Google calendar page, this was his Nepeta weekend, labeled 'catsitting,' of course. So, if he wanted time with his girlfriend, it would have to be at this Caligulan debauchery fest set in front of him. And of course he couldn't say no. Did he not want to spend time with Nepeta? Was he afraid of women who weren't built like Greek demigods (which, hello, Jane and Terezi)? Was he repressing feelings of attraction toward his sibling? But what if he said yes? He was that eager to catch a glimpse of Rose naked, of course. Of the endless horrorterror itself. Never mind that it was Rose's idea. No. That was an experiment. That was a test. Dave accepting was just deviancy. Enough deviancy to fill up a whole spiral-bound, college-ruled notebook in a filing cabinet labeled 'D. Strider: A Study in'... well, who knows what it was labeled. All he knew was that after he slipped and referred to Jane Crocker as a hot mom in front of Rose, she was being particularly horrible lately.

Of course, if the situation was to be believed, this day was more about Nepeta, anyway. Which meant he really did have to go, because he hated the thought of disappointing her. So, he signaled and got back on the street for the 45 second drive ahead of him. He pulled up to the house and took a deep breath before exiting, closing the door, and making his way to the front.

He knocked. No answer. He rang the bell. No answer. He checked the doorknob. And it was open. Well, he was supposed to be here, and they were probably already in the bedroom, and it was way too much effort to dig his phone out and call Rose, and there wasn't too big a chance that Rose was waiting on the other side of the door with a camera or a golf club or twenty of his closest friends to mock him. Like, he didn't even have twenty friends... so, that was out of the question.

Because he didn't want his sister to end up robbed while they all had a pseudo-threeway, he locked the door. "Hello?" He glanced at the staircase. "Anyone home? Is a puppet on a tricycle about to wheel by and inform me I have twenty seconds to dig a key out of my own esophagus due to weird Freudian gross crimes against human decency?"

"Oh my god, Dave, please shut up." There was Rose.

"We're making out!" And there was Nepeta. "It's hard to talk with a tongue in your mmph--!" And, yep, okay. Dave took another breath and then did a breath check, and a pit check, and he was being ridiculous because he had showered that afternoon, like, literally an hour ago, and trudged up the stairs like he was heading for the chair. He was from Texas. This was a valid concern.

He headed up the stairs, finding the open door and peeking inside, finding Rose and Nepeta in the grips of hot makeouts. Nepeta had shed her pants, as she tended to do, wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of olive-green boyshorts. Rose had gone all the way, wearing negligee... sheer and purple and barely reaching past her hips. Nepeta's hand was fully groping Rose's ass, and Rose's hand was on Nepeta's strong chest. And, wow. Wow. That was... hot. Dangerously hot. And was expected to just... wander on in and do things? Like, what, slip up behind Nepeta and start kissing the back of her neck, causing her to make little moaning sounds into Rose's mouth, and... shit, okay. Dave needed to calm down. He also kind of had to pee. Why didn't he go before he left the house?

"Uh, I'm going to be a huge lame-ass and take a bathroom break." And then he absconded across the hall for the restroom.

\---

Nepeta rolled her eyes, breaking the kiss. "What a goofus."

Rose smirked and nodded. "He can't even handle this much. I hope he didn't, you know."

"I do?"

"Blast off before the countdown started." Rose raised an eyebrow. Surely Nepeta would get that innuendo.

"Oh. Oh, no, I think he just had to pee!"

Rose nodded and moved so her back was to the door. She leaned toward Nepeta, planting kisses along her leg, trailing up to her thigh. Her negligee rode up slowly, exposing her shapely, dark hips. Enough to expose the thin strip of fabric that was the lacy purple thong she had on. She leaned over more, nipping at Nepeta's thigh firmly.

\---

Dave's bladder was empty and his mind was cleared, as best as he could clear it, and he made his way back to the doorway. Where he was met with the sight of Rose's ass. Large and round and full, smooth-skinned and unabashedly on display. He wanted to tear his eyes away, but it took several seconds. Where he was met with Rose tugging Nepeta's boyshorts slightly, tongue dragging along the gray skin of her inner thigh. "Fuck." He muttered, louder than he planned.

Rose froze, as if she didn't know he was there, and looked over her shoulder, her lips pulled into that perfect condescending smirk she did so well. "Something the matter, Dave?" Nepeta sighed dreamily, propping herself up on her elbow to look at him as well.

"Nope. We're good. Totally good. This is all... rad as hell. So rad." He gave a curt nod and took note at how purple those candles were. So purple. They were an interesting sight, and as another positive, they were not his sister's ass that would be totally, absolutely, incredibly sexy if it was on anyone not else related to him. Which meant he just admitted Rose was in possession of a sexy ass. Shit.

Dave looked nervous, and Rose was so pleased by that. So incredibly pleased. She had Nepeta in front of her, and she had Dave standing so that his crotch was obscured almost perfectly by the bedpost. "Are you going to join in, or just watch?" Rose leaned down again and kissed Nepeta's thigh, her hand petting the other, nails dragging along skin slowly.

"I'm not. I'm not watching. I'm joining." He nodded, bruskly, and sidestepped around to the side of the bed, slipping out of his shirt and kneeling next to Nepeta. "Hey."

Nepeta gave a breathy little laugh and grabbed Dave by the cheeks, pulling him down into a welcoming smooch. "Hey. No wrestling this time. We might kick Rose in the face. By which I mean you'll kick Rose in the face, because you suck compared to me, because I am a champion. The Huntress."

"Rose is probably into being kicked in the face though. I mean, did you even ask?"

Rose gave Nepeta a sharp bite on the thigh. "I'm right here, you two. No. No kicking me in the face. No wrestling. Nepeta, why don't you get the tail?"

Nepeta grinned and hopped up into a sitting position. God, was that girl quick. And agile. "Yes please!" She made a line for their toy chest and popped it open, starting her rummaging.

"Do you know about the tail, Dave?"

Dave grimaced and grabbed a pillow, resting it in his lap. To prop his elbows on comfortably. Of course. "Yes. You told me. In great detail. Walked me through the entire process." Rose told Dave a lot. Just casually. Through IMs. She said she enjoyed swapping stories, but Dave never brought anything to the TMI Swap Meet, truth be told. Instead having to deal with florid, explicit purple prose straight out of the kind of literature bored moms hide in their night stands. He usually found himself a bit jealous too. Either Rose and Nepeta were just better at sex or Rose was a better writer. Maybe it was just harder to make a figure four leg hold where Nepeta's bulge was entwined with his dick sound sexy. Or maybe he just really didn't want to share with Rose details about what his dick got up to beyond announcing when he had to go take a leak.

"Oh, good, then I can let you put it in. Oh, Nepeta, grab the paddle if you wouldn't mind, too. The thin wood one I like."

It was hard to tell who was blushing harder. Dave or Nepeta. But Nepeta soon came back to the bed, arms full with the tail and the paddle and the bottle of lubricant and... a small ring of gelatinous looking rubber covered in little nubs. "I grabbed the cockring you bought too, Rose! I mean, it doesn't work on bulges, but Dave, did you want to use it?"

Dave did not want to use the cockring that his sister had bought. "I think I will pass." Nepeta gave him a shrug and Dave made a mental note that he had somehow not noticed when Nepeta had taken off her shirt, but that she was now working on the shorts. Things were definitely happening now. Rose grabbed the paddle from the bed and slapped the thin strip of wood across Nepeta's firm flesh as she bent to pull her shorts off, and Dave honestly wondered how it didn't splinter in pieces like a pool cue in an action movie bar brawl. He felt a firm twitch in his pants upon that loud impactful sound and quietly went about lubing up his finger, subconsciously chewing on his lower lip as Rose added a few more hard slaps across Nepeta's ass, olive-green stripes slowly fading in across light gray. She made small little moans each time, practically little mewls. Once Dave was prepared, Rose sat on the bed and Nepeta got in front of her, resting her cheek on Rose's leg and raising her ass in Dave's direction. He was more uncertain in his motions than Rose was, but he got it. He took it slower than Rose would have, and Nepeta was a bit more relaxed with her face buried against Rose's thong-covered crotch.

Rose watched Dave work and smirked, running her fingers through their mutual lover's hair. "Do you know what you're doing back there, Dave? I would like to get this whole thing started before the weekend is over, you know?"

Dave looked at Rose, ready for a comeback, and saw that the strap of her garment had slipped from her shoulder, and more and more of her full, soft breast was exposed as gravity worked its magic. Its horrible black magic. The retort died on Dave's tongue and he looked away, pressing up against Nepeta's leg as he muttered an 'I got it' and pushed the plug the rest of the way into her.

"Aren't you feeling a bit overdressed? Plus, the way this one gets, you're going to stain your jeans, Dave. As I'm sure you know. It's going to be the most awkward-looking grass stains ever." Rose acted like she didn't notice how dangerously exposed she was, and kept casually petting Nepeta, who was a happy kitten now that her tail was fully in.

"Maybe you're underdressed. I didn't wanna just whip my dick out without permission, basically. It's called being a good houseguest."

"Well, Dave, I give you permission to whip your dick out, as you so eloquently and masterfully put it." Rose stared at Dave, keeping eye contact full and intense.

It was around now that Nepeta really tuned into her surroundings and looked back at her boyfriend, and then at her girlfriend. "Is there a purroblem?" She was getting a lot less attention than she expected in this situation...

There was obviously a problem, but Dave mumbled a no, clearly grousing as he undid his pants and yanked them down. All of Rose's nonsense had taken some of the pep out of his penis, and he was dealing with a regretful semi. He fiddled with it a bit and pressed it against Nepeta.

Nepeta looked... a bit discouraged, looking back at Dave fully now. "Are you sure, Dave?"

"Oh, he's probably just feeling overwhelmed, Nepeta. Come here." Rose had eased the straps off both shoulders, her full breasts exposed now, nipples stiff and poking outward, one of which was being roled between her thumb and forefinger. Nepeta, distracted by the sight, scooted forward enough to drag her tongue in a wide circle around the other.

Dave glanced up, spotting Rose's frankly amazing chest. And his girlfriend, though obscured from his current viewpoint, pleasuring her with her mouth, and... well, his erection was back in full force, tapping against Nepeta once more.

"Oooh, problem solved!" Nepeta mumbled around the firm nub of flesh in front of her. Rose raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Well, I'm so happy to hear that." Dave, meanwhile, lined up with Nepeta's nook, a hand wrapping around the tail coming out of her and giving it the slightest tug.

Nepeta's hips raised in response, and her dripping olive nook was exposed, so alien and yet at the same time not too dissimilar from the human genitals he was used to. He slid in easily, Nepeta lubricated more than needed, and his other hand reached under her, letting her bulge coil with his fingers.

"Furrrick!" Nepeta hissed before wrapping her lips around Rose's nipples, letting her sharp troll teeth teasingly threaten as she sucked lightly. Rose let a, albeit small, slightly theatrical moan, making eye contact with Dave.

And Dave had another crisis. For one, this was exceedingly sexy. The whole situation. The counterpoint being that this should in no way be sexy, and that having their girlfriend sandwiched between them like hot roast cat on incestuous pumpernickel with a generous slathering of shame mayonnaise was... well... it was terrible. All clever wordplay was used on that sandwich part. And the cherry on the horrible is-this-an-actual-anime sundae was the eye contact. Which Rose was making. Easily. And since it was easy, that meant he was looking at her, which he was not very aware of. But he didn't have much else to look at either besides candles or the back of Nepeta's head. Which wasn't quite as interesting as Nepeta pleasuring another woman. The woman who just happened to be his sister. Dave's thrusts had slowed down.

"Daaave!" Nepeta slammed her hips back against him, then looked up. And she saw it. Rose. Rose was smirking. "Rose!" She pulled back from Rose, then looked back at Dave again, pulling forward and off of his dick. "No. We're done. Threesome over! Sorry, fake faux pseudo threesome! Over. Everyone sit." Nepeta moved from between them and sat to make a nice triangle.

It was unexpected, and now it was Rose's turn to blush. Getting an eyeful of her girlfriend's colored secretions clinging wetly to a dick. Her cheeks burned, and so did the tips of her ears. Dave quickly slammed his hands down over his crotch with such force that it was a wonder he didn't make it retract inward like a lightsaber toy, and Rose clamped her thighs together, despite still wearing a thong.

Nepeta frowned at the both of them, but especially Rose, and Dave struggled to hide behind a rather fancy-looking purple throw pillow. "Why didn't I see this before? Why? Oh my. Oh my god. You. Clearly. Wow. I was blind." Nepeta looked around, and a lightbulb practically went off above her head. She was off the bed in a hurry and out of the room, her tail swinging amusingly as she literally scampered.

Dave and Rose looked at each other and shared an 'uh' together. And then sat in awkward silence, which Dave finally broke. "Rose, can you please cover up?"

"They're just breasts, Dave. Really. You've seen plenty of breasts before."

"Yes. Yes I have, Rose. And do you know why I've seen plenty of breasts?"

"Oh. So you don't want to see my breasts because of the response they are eliciting. Interesting."

"No, nope. No. That is not... that is why. But it isn't some weird fucked up reaction. It is not one I want to be happening."

"You mean arousal. You're aroused."

"The whole situation has been, yes, but I'm not specifically aroused by--"

"No, shut up or I am putting you both in a headlock." Nepeta scowled and flipped through a notebook, then drooped completely. "Urgh! I knew it. I knew it! I fucking knew it!" She took a breath. "Are you two in a quadrant?"

Dave? "No." Rose? "What?"

"If you were in one though, which would it be closest to? Answer on the count of three. One..."

Rose was his sister. He loved her. She helped him out, despite all the shit she gave him about his problems. And she really was his best friend. And he tried. Oh my god, did he try, to keep her weird bullshit reined in.

"Two."

Dave was an absolute little shit. He thought so low of himself in the dumbest ways, and yet he had such a high opinion of himself in even dumber ways. He was a ticking time bomb of deviancies and neuroses, even if he wasn't aware of them all. It was her job to put them on display for him. And of, she was good at it. And ohhhh, did she enjoy it. It was delicious, and such a thrill.

"Thr--"

The noise that burst forth could best be described as blale. A mix of black and pale. The pale, of course, coming from Dave Strider. The black. Rose Lalonde. Who was licking across her lower lip slightly.

The shared 'uh' moment? Now it was Dave and Nepeta's turn to share one.

"Black?" Dave eyed her with suspicion, and Rose, at that moment, finally took the time to put her breasts back in the metaphorical tray-table-up-and-seat-back-in-the-full-upright-position position.

"Uh, y-yes, well, you know. And pale."

"Black?" Nepeta repeated the word, eyebrow raised so hard it kind of hurt.

And then Rose realized her slip-up. "Platonically! Platonically black!" She was sweating. She was sure of it.

Dave leaned back, as if repulsed by the notion. "So, you hate me then? Just... normal, regular hate?"

"What? No. I... not exactly."

Nepeta turned a page and pulled her pencil from the spiral binding of the book, shaking her head and muttering something about ash. She marked her page and closed the book, staring at her girlfriend. "Explain."

"I'd really rather... not do that, all things considered."

"And I'd rather have not done a lot of things, Rose, all things considered. Like been the subject for Experiment 42-A from three years ago, titled Reactions From Dave Upon Sending Two Nude Pictures Along With Vacation Photos. I believe it's the binder in the third drawer down in your filing cabinet. Yes, Nepeta?"

Rose balked. "You told him about that?"

"His name was on it! Rose, oh my god, you said that was normal."

"You believed her?"

"This isn't about me!" Nepeta practically shrieked and stood up, reaching back and easing her tailplug out, sitting back down in full on grumpy troll mode. "Rose! Hatred for Dave. Now."

"It's not hatred. He's kind of my... rival, maybe?"

"Ri--"

"Shh! Shhshhshh!" Nepeta waved a hand in Dave's direction, listening with perfect attention.

"Kind of. Maybe. I like seeing him squirm. It makes me feel good."

"So you... get pleasure out of Dave's discomfort."

"Yes. No. No, wait, not pleasure pleasure. Just. I like it."

"Hooooly shit." Dave leaned back before scrabbling to keep his pillow in place.

"That is pretty black-sounding, Rose."

"That is caliginous as fuck, you mean!"

"Dave, shush, I am working my auspisticism, okay? This isn't easy."

Rose looked shocked then. "You're being ashen for us? I don't think that is... exactly needed."

Nepeta deadpanned. "Really. Really. You don't think... you don't think you two need that. Despite the fact that we just had to stop furricking fucking because you are trying to weird Dave out and Dave is so weirded out that his dick is shorting out like Equius's robots. No. Not needed."

"Permission to speak?"

"Granted." Rose automatically answered.

"I was asking Nepeta." Dave frowned.

"Go ahead, Dave."

"Okay, so, for real, Rose. You get pleasure out of me being uncomfortable. Second question, why are you always using nudity as a weapon against me? I am going to just... fucking say it. You're hot as hell, and I am fucked for thinking that but whatever, you have a rockin'-ass body and there's nothing we can do about that, by why are so many of your weird fucking hate jabs just you luring me in to seeing you undressed? There's a word for that."

Nepeta snickered. "Weaponized nudity. Those are some real weapons of mass destruction." Nepeta looked at the two, thrilled with her joke. No one looked amused. She sighed. "Okay. I would like to propose a solution! As your current ashen representative, I have to try this idea!"

Dave looked over at her. "What is it?"

"Okay, so, the main problem is, apparently, Rose making you look over at her."

"I don't make him." Rose grinned, mockingly, condescendingly, glaring at Dave with weird inappropriate malice.

"You want him to!" Nepeta balled her fists at her sides. "So, basically, Dave, you get down on all fours and I am going to fuck your ass! And then Rose, you get your strap-on! And then you can't even look at each other, and everyone's happy, and--"

Dave groaned.

"What? You like it up the ass!"

Dave groaned louder. "Things Rose does not need to know for 400, Alex. What is me liking it up the ass?"

Rose rolled her eyes and tried her hardest not to ruin the mood with smugness. "Dave, I knew. And I... don't even mean in a theorizing that you're homosexual way. Nepeta has brought it up."

The groaning continued. "Whatever, fine. Lube me up and let's get banging. It was pretty clear from the moment I walked in the door that I was gonna get fucked, but this is probably the best scenario for it."

\---

Dave moaned out as that slick and wriggling tendril of a bulge pushed inside him deeper, his muscles clenching and unclenching around it. It probed and prodded, and Nepeta was forced even deeper inside him by the thrusting behind her.

Rose reached around, cupping one of Nepeta's small breasts, thumb circling a nipple as she kissed and nipped the back of her neck, enjoying the taste of alien sweat and the weird not-quite-saltiness of her skin. The strap-on, thick and textured and with an added bit that pushed inside Rose as well, and ground gently against her clit, worked absolute wonders for them both, and in turn, wonders for Dave.

His fingers tensed in the sheets, pulling at them and groaning, leaning forward and biting into a pillow, muffling some of his moans. These nice sheets were going to be ruined. That much was certain. But no one exactly had the time to mourn them as pre-ejaculate dribbled from Dave's cock and olive ran down Nepeta's legs. She was close, and it was obvious.

Rose's larger frame leaned on Nepeta's as she whispered hushed noises in her ear. She was a good kitty. She was amazing. She was perfect. And Nepeta's nook practically gushed between the heated praise pushing forth from Rose's lips and the phallic object pushing into her. Her nails dug into Dave's shoulder and she moved a hand to grab a fistful of his shaggy hair, toes curling as all three of them moaned practically in unison.

Dave was the first. It was just so much simulation. He couldn't deny, nor did he even bother, that hearing two women moaning practically in his ears was the most arousing thing he'd ever heard, and Nepeta's bulge filled him up so perfectly, a curl of it hammering against his prostate on particularly hard thrusts forward. He groaned, arms going weak beneath him and legs shuddering. He let out a whimpered out little noise and a few thick spurts of his come hit the sheets, and he struggled not to fall into it.

Rose was next. Nepeta beneath her, in so much ecstasy as her orgasm built, the way she hammered forward into Dave and then shoved back against her. The toy working its magic. Rose shivered and clung to her lover, hanging all over her and kissing sloppily and haphazardly at her shoulder blade. She hit climax and rode it out hard and needfully, tremors hitting her body, and sandwiching Nepeta even more.

She couldn't hold back any longer, and with an almost feral noise she let go. Genetic material flooded Dave, and he hit a small aftershock of his own. Her nails moved quickly to avoid drawing blood and she bit his back to keep from making too much noise. Powerful thighs clenched and unclenched, glutes tightened. Her nook practically drew the strap-on in. Her heart was pounding, and it was beautiful. The thing that was different between trolls and humans is... trolls came a lot. To the point where Dave could feel it. Warm and full and thick inside him. It was a weird feeling, but not bad. Nepeta stayed buried inside him, though. In absolutely no hurry to move.

\---

The afterglow was the best part. Nepeta's mind raced at the thought of reds and pales and blacks and grays. Of quadrant experimentation and bucking social norms and taking care of her dumb human matesprits who didn't seem to know anything about anything, but they were hers and she was theirs and everything was perfect.

"That was... wow. That... so... great." Nepeta sighed.

"Mmhmm." Rose cooed and let out a staggered sigh, still catching her breath. Dave just gave a weak nod, but had a genuine smile on his face. Mostly he wanted to sleep.

"We should do it again sometime." Nepeta managed a grin between panting.

"Fuck no. Not for a while." Dave shook his head. "Maybe, like, in three years."


End file.
